


Hold me like you hate me

by unfortunatecircumstance



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Gets a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lillian Luthor Being an Asshole, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Protective Kara Danvers, cadmus sux, fluff n humor from here on out, happy ending i swear, later chapters have literally NO angst, wait no i lied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28056003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfortunatecircumstance/pseuds/unfortunatecircumstance
Summary: An unfortunate series of events leads to Lena being exposed to a drug that makes the victim extremely touch-starved for the next person they see. And that's putting it lightly.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 89
Kudos: 1089





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i think this is the absolute angstiest thing i've ever written WHOOPS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rated teen for one (1) no-no word (and, y'know, drugs)

"...take hold in a minute or so, then the first person she sees."

"I'd say 4 doses to finish the project, because when the effects wear off..."

Lena keeps as still as she can as she comes to, something she learned from movies and previous hostage situations alike. It's difficult, she realizes as her senses return, because she's strapped upright with her head hanging low, and her neck is absolutely screaming in protest. She's not alone, of that she's certain, and it's that thought that gives her the strength to keep her head down. 

"...once she has a target, the nanites will really kick in-"

"How long will it last?"

A new voice cuts into the room, and Lena feels a chill run through her. Precisely because this voice is _not_ new, but haunts every self-loathing, criticizing, judgmental thought in her head.

_Mother._

Her body gives an involuntary flinch at the voice, both from the hatred and the close proximity to her ear. It's barely noticeable, but it's enough. Lillian unceremoniously tilts her chin upwards, looking utterly displeased as she blinks in the light.

"I'm paying you to keep track of my daughter as well, am I not? Who knows how long she's been awake?" Lillian looks around the room, clearly expecting an answer, giving Lena the time she needs to study her surroundings. It's a barren concrete room, 3 men in lab coats standing around the upright gurney she's strapped to, looking terrified for their lives. There's a surgical tray off to the side, but it holds only a single syringe. It doesn't ease her fears. 

"Out", Lillian commands sharply, and the men shoulder each other out of the way to exit the room. The last closes the heavy steel door behind him, revealing a tiny window that looks out on a dimly lit hallway beyond. 

"Hired hands, what do you expect?" Her mother smiles as if it's a private joke they've shared a thousand times over.

"Easier to bury the bodies when things inevitably go wrong, as if you'd have it any other way", Lena spits back. Lillian lets her head drop, suddenly disinterested in the train of thought. 

"Lena, darling, I get how this looks, but I'm doing this for the both of us. You'll see one day, when we're legends, working side by side, keeping the world safe from harm. A family again." 

The very thought makes Lena nauseous. "I will _never_ stand by your side. Not if it means the countless innocent dead that I know it does. You can kill me, but the Luthor name will die with me, and you'll be absolutely, irrevocably, obsolete."

Normally, a statement such as this would earn her a vicious slap at the very least, but Lillian only tuts and lifts the syringe.

"Kill you? Oh darling, I'm here to save you. I didn't want to do this, but you've left me no choice. This is for your own good."

She steps forward, but Lena begins struggling in earnest, because whatever is in that syringe, she definitely does not want in her body.

"Wait! Wait, mother, stop. If that's truth serum, or a neurotoxin, or some other deadly poison, you know I'll fight it till the end. I'm a Luthor, you know I could twist every word into a riddle. You won't be able to trust anything I say or do. Tell me what you want, and maybe we can come to a compromise."

The acknowledgement of the Luthor name, if anything, is what gives Lillian pause. "The dispersal unit that got rid of the Daxamites. We will be building one", she says with utter confidence, without a trace of deception. That's what truly worries Lena. What has her so convinced she'll be able to get what she wants? That Lena will wholeheartedly contribute to the cause?

"I don't remember. I don't know, and I don't have the plans. They were destroyed in the chaos. Truth serum can't bring back knowledge I don't have, you know that." It's a last ditch effort, and she knows by the way Lillian, for a moment, looks truly disappointed, that she has said the wrong thing.

"And that's why I can't trust you", Lillian says, brandishing the syringe again. "Because no matter how you surround yourself with thoughtless hero types, you're a Luthor through and through. And Luthors never, ever, _forget._ " 

Lillian steps up and jams the syringe deep into her arm without preamble, compressing and tossing the plastic away without a second thought. Lena doesn't give her the satisfaction of a wince.

It's then her mother smiles again, reaching up to cup Lena's face. "We'll be family again", she whispers, suddenly kind, and gentle, and motherly. "You'll be the perfect daughter, and I'll be the mother you've always wanted. Doesn't that sound nice?"

_Whatever_ _this is, I can resist it. I can hold off. Supergirl- Kara, she'll come for me._

As if sensing her thoughts, Lillian digs her nails into Lena's skin to hold her attention. "No one is coming", she says, soothing but desperate. "You've driven her away with your hatred. She was right not to trust you, but you and your little feelings had to drive the point home. You betrayed her just as she did you, with your stupid, pointless bid to steal Myriad. She will _never_ come to your aid again."

Cold begins to creep up her fingertips, itching and burning as if needles are running through her veins. Lillian leans in to hiss her victory in her ear.

"Luthors can trust no one but themselves, so insipid, foolish little girl. When will you learn?"

_First person she sees_ , she remembers hearing, so she snaps her eyes shut and leans back, determined to ride through this wave of misery. 

Her mother has other ideas, and an unexpected pain ripples through her cheek. She gasps, and her eyes fly open. There Lillian stands, smirking in satisfaction. The moment they make eye contact, the pain becomes ten times worse, biting through her skin and squeezing her heart in a vice grip. 

It rushes through her like a flood, and everything just feels wrong, like she's been plucked out of her flesh and hung out to dry. She begins struggling against the straps again, this time because she _knows,_ in absolute certainty, that something is wrong. Her skin must be peeling off her bones, she's exposed or bleeding or dying, everything is just simply _wrong._

Her brain is in such pure agony that it doesn't notice that Lena's skin is as pale and untouched as always, save for the red beginning to form around her wrists from the chafing. It's then Lillian reaches out again, placing her hands around Lena's wrists.

"Careful darling, you'll hurt yourself." 

Lena goes absolutely still at once, Lillian's hands spreading relief from their point of contact. 

Her brain settles back into place, free and content and absolutely horrified. A nightmare of desperation and fear tumbles through her mind, and Lillian sees the understanding dawn on her at the same time it happens.

"The desire for connection." She smiles, all malice and no love. "Such a vicious little thing, no?"

\----------

Her mother deftly removes the restraints, helping her onto the ground with gentler hands than she's ever known. She desperately wants to throw a punch and make a run for it, fight her way out if need be, but her body refuses to obey, still reeling from the aftershocks of the pain. It's these disobedient hands that clutch her mother like a lifeline, because while the pain has receded, little pinpricks of cold tingle around her feet and collarbone as if in wait.

Lena feels herself get pulled into an embrace that she's too exhausted to resist, and the feeling of _wrongness_ is tucked further and further away. For the first time in decades, she is hugging her mother. 

"Are you ready to get started?" Lillian says soothingly. In an instant, Kara's wounded eyes flash through her mind, trapped behind Kryptonite and begging for forgiveness. She had betrayed her best friend enough for a lifetime. No more.

"You'll never succeed. I will not help you terrorize the world", she manages through the fear. Lillian sighs.

"So be it."

Her mother shoves her backwards, and slips back behind the door. The moment she lets go, the pain comes rushing back as if it had never left, every part of her screaming to return to her mother. Mind-numbing pain floods through her system so fast that she chokes on her breath and falls to her knees, barely biting back a scream. 

Through the haze, she hears her mother call through the door, "Rethink your decision, and let me know." Then she simply stands there, patient, watching through the window.

_Fuck you_ _,_ she wants to spit, harsh and jagged, the way they have made her feel.

"Please", is the broken little word that tumbles out, too small and weak and desperate to hold back.

At once, the door swings open and Lillian is there with open arms. Unconsciously, Lena trips forward into her mother's arms, and it's only when Lillian lifts a hand to wipe her cheek that she realizes she'd been crying.

Lillian smiles, a grotesque imitation of affection. "There, there, my darling daughter."

Lena follows her mother down the hallway, arms still around Lillian's waist and her mother patting her back like a child who'd had a nightmare. It's humiliating, infuriating, and _exactly_ what Lillian had wanted.

They reach the lab, standing side by side in front of miscellaneous tech and parts. Lillian keeps an arm around her shoulder, but it's more possessive than for Lena's benefit.

"I know it's not as convenient to work needing to be attached to my side, but it's particularly effective for keeping you in line, don't you think?", she coos. Lena, practically shaking from helplessness and rage, stays silent. 

"You can start", Lillian commands. "But I'd like you to know that we have the basic schematics, so I'll know if you stray. Do your best not to disappoint me again, will you?"

And so she does, because what other choice does she have? She recognizes the parts that will create the base structure of the machine, and begins piecing it together with shaking hands. Lena scrambles for an alternate plan all the while, but her efforts are hindered by Lillian pulling away whenever she slows, sending her body on red alert and scrambling back into the ironic safety of her mother's arms. Lillian enjoys the way Lena works with increased fervor after every jolt of pain.

After what seems like hours, Lena is fiddling with wires for as long as she can, when Lillian pulls away. Her body follows from pure muscle memory, but she realizes belatedly that she hadn't near blacked out from the pain for a good while now. _It must be wearing off._

Feeling more secure now, she purposely connects a wrong wire, inwardly pumping a fist when Lillian doesn't notice anything amiss. She begins _wrecking_ the machine as subtly as she can, following the basic structure but screwing plates in the wrong order and twisting wires into themselves. She's so focused on her new mission, however, the next time Lillian pulls away, she follows just a second too late. Lillian reaches out to yank her away from the machine by the back of her neck, glowering.

"Thought you were being clever, Lena?" She casts a look towards the security camera in the corner. "Undo everything she's done within the last 20 minutes. Log that the first dose was effective for roughly 4.5 hours."

Lena shoulders off her mothers hand, reveling in her freedom, and is about to revisit her plan of fighting her way out when two burly security men bust in and apprehend her like a common criminal, cuffing her hands behind her back.

"You should feel honoured that I've expended so much energy keeping you in line, Lena." Her mother taunts as she follows the procession down the hallway. She's secured back to the gurney within minutes, frustrated beyond all measure. She should have attempted to fight her way out before Lillian had noticed, she should have done more to derail the project, why hadn't she noticed earlier?

Lena's seething must be evident on her face, because Lillian looks more satisfied than ever. "Before your betrayal, you'd gotten roughly halfway through building the project, which is faster than we anticipated. You should be proud that your work is so important for such a worthy cause! Side by side, didn't I promise? We'll-"

Her gloating is interrupted by the panicked knocking of another lackey, who bursts into the room before permission, meaning it's a serious situation.

"Supergirl has been sighted heading in this direction at a record speed! We have to leave _now._ "

Lillian's good mood vanishes in an instant. She had clearly thought their relationship was damaged beyond repair, that Kara would never come for her. Lena can't help but laugh, despite the rough backhand she receives in response. No matter their personal issues, Supergirl was here to save her. Karastill believed she was _worth_ saving. She watches Lillian's rage dissolve into cold fury.

"Give me the next dose." Lena's blood runs cold, but not because of any lingering effects. _Please, not again. Kara, help._ She begs inwardly. She refuses to let her desperation show.

"It's too soon", the scientist cautions. "The nanites will flood her system, and the effects with be exponentially worse. Damage done from isolation may be permanent. I urge you to rethink this."

"That's the _point_ ", Lillian hisses. "Let's see those do-gooders try to take my daughter from me when she's absolutely _begging_ to stay with me. And," She adds, casting a venomous glance at Lena, "let's see if they ever take her _back._ "

Panicked shouts begin to sound from the hallway, and Lillian practically rips the second syringe from the scientist's grasp. In one swift movement, she injects the second dose into Lena's arm, simultaneously shoving the scientist behind the gurney to ensure that she is the only one in view. As of yet, Lena feels nothing but the impending doom, but thinks she might throw up.

Unable to free herself or avoid the incoming pain, she shuts her eyes, determined to look somewhere, anywhere, but her mother. 

A split second before Lillian wrenches her head around to force her eyes open, a resounding slam has her eyes flying open against her will. The first thing she tracks is perfect blonde curls, flying through the air. And the acrid bile in her throat becomes something sweeter, more alluring, but somehow, exponentially more horrifying. _Not this. Not now._

Blue eyes meet hers through the window of her cell, and Lena's mind whites out.

\----------

Kara had never been so furious in her life, and with none other than herself. She had _promised_ , sworn to Lena that she would be protected. And the moment they had gotten into a spat, Kara took the space to tend to her stupid little feelings and Lena had been abducted. 

If only she'd put duty before her pride, and kept track of her former best friend.

It had taken just under a day to get ahold of a Cadmus agents, who (after a couple rounds of "interrogation") had revealed that a particular location was a lot more active than it used to be. It had taken Kara all but five seconds to change into her suit and blast off towards that address, Alex and a team of DEO agents following close behind in trucks.

The sound barrier echoes as she reaches the decrepit building in record time. A preliminary x-ray reveals the concentration of guards along one hallway, so that's where she makes a beeline for. 

One particular room in that hallway is lead-lined; while she can't see inside, it's glaringly obvious where Lena is being held. She bursts into the hallway in a blur of red and blue, and notes with satisfaction that only two agents are holding Kryptonite guns.

Clearly, they had been expecting an onslaught from the DEO at the most, and were vastly underprepared for Supergirl herself. Before the Kryptonite can take hold, she grits her teeth and forces her arm past the guns to grab the men by their bulletproof vests, and hurls the whole deadly set straight out the door, to where she sees Alex pulling up.

She makes quick work of the rest, making sure none of the regular bullets make it past the door to where the DEO agents are, ready to apprehend the thugs.

Leaving behind a trail of unconscious Cadmus thugs, she takes the final attacker and slams him into the door, helmet hitting steel with a solid thud. She peeks her head through the window to ensure that 1) Lena is there, and 2) no one is waiting with a hearty chunk of Kryptonite

When she spots Lena, strapped to an upright gurney but overall not visibly worse for wear, she feels nothing but relief.

They lock eyes, and Kara offers a reassuring smile. In return, Lena begins screaming in absolute agony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, kara straight up yeeted two men down a hallway. enjoy that mental imagery :)
> 
> resolution next chapter (hopefully up by the 12th), i promise!  
> also, i might make this a collection, with a second fic about if Kara and Lena switched places. I just couldnt decide who i preferred to need saving lol


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea behind this was pretty much "hmm, how can i get these two idiots to talk it out like grown-ups?" and the answer was, "make them physically unable to walk away from each other", so here we are.

The moment Lena starts to scream, panic courses through Kara's body. Something is terribly wrong. She blasts straight through the wall, concrete being easier to break than steel. She's in front of Lena before the debris hits, leaving Lillian to fend for herself. Kara simply stares in contempt as a chunk of concrete knocks the elder Luthor unconscious. 

She turns her attention back to Lena, who's screams have dwindled down to helpless sobs and desperate pulls against the restraints. Kara flutters her hands nervously about, afraid to touch her. _What could be wrong?_

"Out. I need out", she gasps, frustrated beyond measure. Kara takes the hint and works on the cuffs. When she places a hand on Lena's shoulder to hold her still, her friend whimpers and relaxes slightly. Confused but assuming she's doing the right thing, she finishes freeing Lena. The moment she's able to, Lena falls forward into her arms, wrapping tight around her waist and tucking her head into Kara's shoulder. The superhero nearly stumbles back from this display of affection, but doesn't hesitate to hug her back. 

"You're okay. It's okay. You're safe now", she soothes Lena's trembling form. Just then, Kara catches movement from behind the gurney, a squirrelly looking scientist who looks as if he's torn between putting his hands up and making a run for it. 

"Give me a second to take care of this guy." She braces Lena's arms, prepared to pull away. 

"No!", Lena cries, tightening her grip as if willpower would deter the heroine. "Please, it'll hurt. Don't let go. Don't leave me". Kara firmly replaces her arms in response, heart clenching at Lena's shaking form. _What did they do to her?_

"She's right," the scientist cuts in, "she'll be in excruciating pain if you let go of her. I told Lillian it was too soon, but she wouldn't listen. I told her it might do permanent damage."

Kara's arms tighten further, a surge of protectiveness translating into her gaze. "Explain", she demands.

He's all too willing to comply under the deadly force of her glare. "It was all Lillian's idea, I swear. I was just starting out in the pharmaceutical business, but Lillian threatened-"

"Now", Kara interrupts, exasperated. "What's happening with Lena right now?"

"It's a drug that amplifies the desire for connection, essentially. To an extreme. A feat of scientific brilliance, really. I never would have-"

A quick heat vision blast near his head cuts off his train of thought. Lena tightens her grip almost imperceptibly, barely hiding a sniffle. Kara wants to laser blast this man into oblivion.

"Get to the point", Supergirl all but growls.

"Singularly focused nanites. Renders subject, well, touch-starved, for lack of a better term. If you let go to, say, knock me out, she'd be in a world of pain unlike any other, especially with her double dose in such a short period of time. Well, not unlike any other. We'd manufactured it to stimulate your pain of Kryptonite, Supergirl, it's truly brilliant-"

He's silenced for the third time in as many minutes by the gurney crashing soundly into him by a strong gust of freeze breath, knocking him unconscious. She knows Lena despises pity, so she settles for letting rage overtake her thoughts. 

"Those sick bastards", Kara bites out venomously. Lena jolts at the uncharacteristic language, loosening her grip slightly, and Kara's rage quickly becomes horror when she realizes just how terrified Lena is, and she's clearly not helping the situation. So she tamps down her anger and spreads her hands to cover as much surface as she can, resting her chin on the top of Lena's head. "It's going to be okay, Lena. I won't let go. Everything is going to be okay."

Lena's silence clearly conveys her disbelief, and Kara doesn't blame her. They hadn't spoken for weeks now, and much was left unsaid between them. Even pressed as close as humanly possible, there was a gaping disconnect between them.

\----------

Lena isn't sure how to respond. She's only been hugging Kara long enough to gain basic coherence, and already she hates how pathetic this drug has made her. She'd _begged_ Kara not to leave her earlier, and was now clinging to her former best for dear life, part of her happily reminiscing the old, ignorant days of daily hugs and simple friendship. She'd slap herself if lifting an arm didn't feel like dipping her flesh in acid. 

"Supergirl, is everything alright?"

Alex's call down the hallway has both of them stiffening. 

The pain has receded enough for the first dredges of Lena's dignity to come crawling back, and she's about to voice her concerns when Kara seems to read her mind. The heroine blows freeze breath over the gaping hole in the wall, and presses her back against the window to block the view. 

"I'm sorry if the contact is uncomfortable", Kara starts awkwardly. "But you were in a lot of pain and the scientist man didn't seem to be lying, so I'm not letting go because I know you'd try to bear the pain. You can hate me all you want later but I'm not...I'm not letting go."

Lena bites back a dry laugh. Despite weeks of a silent feud, saving her from an abduction, and this 'contact' _literally_ saving her life, Kara is worried about her boundaries. Her comfort, her _feelings_. It's so on-brand she wants to cry. Nope, she's already crying. She doesn't bother hiding it, knowing Kara could hear, could feel, even the tiniest hitch in her breath. Hot, traitorous tears roll down her cheeks. Of sorrow, remorse, but most of all, of relief.

"Lena? What's wrong, what hurts?" The blonde's voice is edging on panic, clearly assuming this episode was the result of side effects. _Nope, just good old Luthor trauma and the stifling weight of all my regrets._ Kara may very well despise her at the moment, but she still chose to save Lena.

Gaining the smallest semblance of control back over her emotions, Lena shakes her head. "I'm okay. Just, overwhelmed." It's as close to the truth as she can get. "Thank you for doing this. Being here." _For coming back for me. For thinking I'm worth saving._ Kara seems to know exactly what she isn't saying.

"Always", comes the solemn response.

It's an uncomfortably formal exchange, given that Lena is pretty much speaking directly into Kara's neck.

"Supergirl?", Alex calls again.

Lena lifts her head again to meet Kara's eyes, an unspoken agreement running between them. An uneasy truce forms.

"Is it okay if Alex comes in?" Kara says softly. "Just her, to see if she can help."

Despite all of her wanting to refuse, she nods shakily. 

"I'm here." Kara calls back. "Is the hallway clear? Are you alone?"

"I am", Alex responds suspiciously. "I'm armed though."

Kara shifts away from the door to let Alex in, but Lena turns her head away. She doesn't want to see if Alex is looking at her in contempt, or anger, or both. Lena wouldn't blame her for both.

The door creaks open, but the footsteps stop. "What...exactly am I looking at here?"

"Drugs", Kara says eloquently.

Lena sighs and turns her head back to face the music. To her surprise, Alex is looking at her with only confusion and...is that humour? 

"I'm on them", Lena supplies. "Not hugging Kara feels like I'm being set on fire, among other things." She flashes a grim smile as the pair watch Alex take in the information.

"Well, I've always said that your hugs are life-saving." And just like that, the tension is broken. For now, at least. Lena was always fond of the elder Danvers, and regretted how cold she'd been after the fallout, despite Alex being nothing but kind. She now understood it wasn't Alex's secret to tell, and really couldn't fault her for trying to protect Kara.

She's momentarily surprised by the lack of suspicion on Alex's end, but is 99% sure that the vulnerability is what has her convinced. The brunette knew her well enough to know she'd usually rather die than show any weakness. Alex looks around the room, quickly taking in the overturned gurney, eyes widening when she spots an unconscious Lillian lying in the corner.

"So what's the plan of action here? No offense Lena, but your mom is a menace and we need her locked up before she comes to."

Lena shrugs against Kara's chest. "None taken. Feel free to get a little rough with her while asking how to reverse whatever the hell she's done to me."

"Okay great. Agreed. It would be faster if Supergirl just flew Lillian and...is there a guy under that gurney?"

"He fell." Kara says innocently. Lena finds herself fiercely missing good old Danvers banter.

"Sure", Alex replies unconvincingly. "okay, it would be faster if Supergirl flew these two out to lockup to prevent complications, so is there any way to...transfer Lena to me?" Alex winces. "Sorry, that sounded bad. I wouldn't mind a hug though, Kara's been lacking these days."

Kara makes an offended noise, and unconsciously leans Lena away from her sister. Lena feels she should offer to try, at least, despite part of her knowing it won't work. She feels she owes the two of them some sort of proof. So she nods an affirmative and listens to Alex approach with bated breath. Lena feels a gentle hand on her shoulder, but a not-so-gentle heat spikes at the contact, as if steel wool is being ground into her flesh. With a yelp, she jerks away from Alex, dragging Kara's willing form along for the ride.

"Nope. Not good. Please don't do that again." Lena mutters through gritted teeth, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to overcome a wave of nausea.

"She's staying with me then. You can take Lillian and the guy out one by one. Lena stays with me", Kara announces, as if daring Alex to argue. Frankly, the elder Danvers looks offended at being accused of such a prospect.

"No, yeah, of course. I'll keep the hallway cleared while you guys figure out how you want to get out. I'm sorry, Lena. I didn't mean to hurt you." _Well, isn't that a loaded comment._ Lena offers as genuine a smile as she can muster. 

"You were just trying to help."

Alex heaves Lillian's prone form over her shoulder, fireman style, which drags a laugh out of Lena. _Oh, the indignity,_ she can't help but think gleefully. 

"If she falls off, I'm rolling her the rest of the way", Alex winks as she kicks open the door.

"God, I missed you guys", Lena comments thoughtlessly. Both sisters sport matching grins at the comment, which almost makes the blush running up her neck worth it.

"We missed you too", Kara replies for the both of them, and then it's just her and Lena in the barren room. 

Lena stays silent, unwilling to part with their newfound peace. She interlocks her hands more securely around Kara's waist, rests her head on Kara's shoulder, and simply revels in warm, familiar, safety. 

"You still smell like lavender." Kara blurts out, and Lena snorts out a laugh at her friend's misdirected attention to detail. 

"Seriously! You were kidnapped and taken hostage, but I can still smell your shampoo. That's wild." 

"You fought a small army out there and threw yourself through a concrete wall, but still smell like vanilla", Lena counters, smiling when she feels Kara's pulse jump against her cheek. It's only fair, considering the blonde can hear each of Lena's heartbeats. "And patriotism", she adds in mock seriousness. Kara's responding laugh makes the world seem just a little brighter.

"So, how do you propose we get out of here? I'd prefer we avoid the crowd undoubtedly gathered outside. Perhaps we could wait it out?"

Kara grimaces. "I wish, but no offense to Alex, her agents are not the most efficient. Clean-up will likely take a few hours at least, and the sooner we're out of here, the better."

"Agreed."

The superhero hums thoughtfully, then says, "How would you feel if I busted through some more concrete?" 

Lena lifts her head so that Kara can see the clear panic running through her expression.

"You'd be totally safe, I promise! I could wrap you in my cape - which is pierce proof - and just blast home. People would just assume I took the dramatic way out, and you wouldn't be seen at all."

It takes only another beat of silence for dejection to flash across Kara's face, which she hides astonishingly quickly. 

"Do you trust me?" It's posed as a gentle query, but Lena can hear the guarded undercurrent. While not offended, Kara is visibly forlorn, and Lena feels another pang of regret. _Kara is not the one who should be feeling bad about this._ She opens her mouth to respond-

"Am I interrupting?"

They both turn to face Alex, head poking through the doorway questioningly, and Lena takes into account their position. The hugging was expected, the gazing into each other's eyes was a little bit more questionable.

"Not at all", she flashes a smile, "Kara's thought of a plan to get us out."

Kara smiles genuinely and nods in agreement, pointing upwards and making an exaggerated explosion noise. To her credit, Alex takes it in stride. 

"Oh yeah, I've done that. Remember to keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times." 

Lena casts an incredulous but impressed look in Alex's direction. "Well then, up, up, and away, Supergirl."

Kara brings her surprisingly warm cape around Lena's body, inhales, bends her knees, and-

"Wait!"

Kara freezes, surprised.

"There's still a guy under the gurney, dummy." Alex grouches, shoving the item in question to the side.

Kara settles back down into Lena's arms, wearing a sheepish smile. "Oh, right."

"Just blasting around, dropping medical equipment on people. So unprofessional", Alex mutters, leaning over to lift the scientist. " 'Oh Alex, your agents take too long to chip through my freeze breath so we don't flood the building!' Rocks everywhere! Carnage! Havoc!"

She clears the doorway with the man slung over her shoulder, tone unimpressed but amusement glittering in her eyes.

"Alright, go, you big blonde puppy."

 _Then_ they blast off through the ceiling and up into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this COULD be taken as the end, but there will be another chapter about them actually working it out. this chapter just went much longer than expected and school has reared its ugly head so i had to split it into two. hopefully i can post the last chapter within the week!
> 
> is it obvious that i really like alex?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long and also so sorry for extending the fic again!! but i promise to finish this fic like...tomorrow. maybe two days? i really hope im not lying. 
> 
> happy reading!

As powerful as Supergirl is, foresight is not one of her strengths. Still, Lena would have appreciated _not_ being 1000 feet in the air when Kara pauses to ask, "Hey, where are we going?"'

National City is a dizzying array of lights, breath-takingly, terrifyingly, beautiful. Lena yelps at the height and buries her head in Kara's neck. The blonde turns carefully, twisting so that her back is to the city and Lena's weight is on her unfairly defined abs.

She knows, logically, that the DEO would be the safest place to figure out how to fix her, but most of all she just wants to go-

"Home", she whispers between the whistling wind and into Kara's warm embrace. "Take me home."

Kara lands on Lena's balcony with the ease of familiarity but the awkwardness of a new acquaintance.

Back on home territory, Lena's body finally exits survival mode and takes stock of itself. She curses under her breath, and manages a chagrined expression at Kara's questioning one.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

\----------

"Kale tastes better than donuts."

In the mirror, Kara simply cocks her head and continues smiling genially.

Lena gestures upwards and watches as Kara covers her eyes, head bopping along to whatever song is blasting through the sound-proof headphones. Hopefully it's enough to distract her super senses.

The only solution to the bathroom issue that they'd come up with was to have Kara sit cross-legged on Lena's shoulders like a patriotic scarf, floating just enough to maintain contact, but not restrict Lena's movements. The decrease in contact had Lena's legs buzzing with pins and needles, painful but not yet unbearable. Unfortunately, the scientist hadn't been lying when he said the second dose would be exponentially more effective.

For such an embarrassing situation, Lena should definitely _not_ be smiling so fondly at the sight of Kara resting her elbows gently on Lena's head, hands still over her eyes, humming along to _NSYNC._

Lena goes about her business as fast as possible, washing her hands and waiting until she's well out of the washroom to tap Kara's foot, marveling at the freedom of her arms. As much as it is convenient, she feels that Kara deserves more than being worn like a decorative accessory for the night. At the signal, Kara slides gracefully down and around to face her, and the blood settles back into her legs.

"So what's next?", Kara says brightly, pulling off the headphones with one hand and tossing them onto the couch.

As if in response, Kara's stomach lets out a growl. The blonde smiles sheepishly as Lena chuckles, then smiles wistfully.

"Normally cooking relaxes me after a...strenuous ordeal, but that seems impossible now, given the circumstances. I guess we'll have to settle for takeout?" 

But Kara is already shaking her head. "No, no, we could totally still do that!" Faster than Lena (and the cursed nanites) can realize, Kara loosens her grip enough to spin her in the opposite direction, then hops on for an impromptu piggyback ride. She's clearly still floating, given that Lena can comfortably move around the kitchen without feeling like a burdened college student.

"All good down there?"

Kara's arms are slung loosely around her neck, legs crossed just under her stomach, and chin tucked into the crook of Lena's neck to maximize surface area. Just before she starts pulling out ingredients, she pauses and places a hand on Kara's arm.

"Thank you for doing this, really. For everything."

"What are friends for?", Kara responds lightly, but there's a question in the undercurrent. Lena tightens her grip in agreement, then reaches into the cupboard. 

It's almost unnatural how _natural_ this feels, moving around the kitchen with Kara's steady warmth against her back. Lena settles for a tried and true spaghetti carbonara recipe, along with copious amounts of garlic bread from her freezer to sate Kara's appetite. The blonde's constant stream of jokes and offhand comments have her grinning nearly the entire time, and Lena begins to feel some semblance of _normal_ again. 

Unfortunately, _normal_ entails the stirrings of a feeling she's tried her very best to hide since the beginning.

It starts like this:

She's leaning over a boiling pot of sauce over the stove, Kara's head over her shoulder to catch a whiff, and Lena's hair decides to make a surprise appearance. 

"Shoot, I forgot to tie it- Kara, could you-"

In hindsight, the mixture of Lena's distressed tone and an enthusiastic Kara didn't bode well for anyone. Kara's hands sweep her hair back a tad too quickly, fingers catching in the knots of her uncombed hair. As a result, Lena's head tilts back abruptly, colliding with the heroine's chest. She unconsciously lets out a groan.

Lena _desperately_ hopes that Kara's thinks it's in pain. 

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Lena. Are you okay?"

She reels back, gently pulling her hair out of Kara's hands and tying it into a proper bun.

"All good!", she says just a little too brightly. "No harm done, thanks to your quick reflexes."

Kara stays silent just long enough for Lena to think she'll question her racing heart, but just shrugs and loops her arms back around Lena's shoulders

"Hey, you've seen Ratatouille, right?"

"Don't you _dare_."

It continues like this:

She's halfheartedly chopping parsley when Kara shifts her head just so, and every breath brushes past Lena's ear. She's so focused on keeping her heart rate down that she barely notices when her knife gets caught on a solid object.

"Lena?"

She snaps to attention, eyes catching sight of a finger under the blade. _Kara's finger._ With a yelp, she drops the knife and takes Kara's hand in her own.

"Kara! Oh my god, I'm so sorry, are you- wait. Right. Nevermind." Lena's blushing furiously as Kara retracts her steel trap of a hand with an uneasy smile. 

"It was nearly your finger under there. Are you feeling alright? Is it not enough contact?" Without waiting for a response, Kara's legs tighten around her waist, pressing more firmly into Lena's back. _Good God, am I feeling abs through the suit?_

With a sharp intake of breath, she instinctively places a hand on Kara's thigh, feeling muscle jump underneath.

"No, no, everything's fine. I just got distracted for a second. There you go, saving me for the second time today", Lena says with forced laughter.

Kara eyes her suspiciously. "Well, as long as you're okay."

Finally: 

No meal is complete without a solid source of protein. Kara's head had abandoned her shoulder in favour of eating chips over Lena's head, citing the need for an 'appetizer'. Neither of them comment on the fact the Lena's cupboard is still stocked with Kara's favourite snacks.

Lena is pulling open the fridge, and reaching for the bottom shelf when Kara's voice interjects, sterner than she's ever heard.

"Lena Luthor, you _better_ not be reaching for the tofu when there's bacon _right there._ " 

The dignified businesswoman slaps a hand over her shoulder, blindly reaching for Kara's face; a habit she'd taken to when Kara had dipped a (thankfully washed) finger into the boiling sauce to "taste test" one too many times.

"It's so much healthier!"

She reaches for the tofu again, but finds the fridge farther than she'd anticipated. Scratch that, her entire apartment is farther, which becomes apparent when her feet leave the ground. Kara tucks her legs under Lena's so she's essentially sitting in her lap, mid-air. 

"Kara Danvers, put me down this instant!"

"Not until you promise to make bacon instead! You can't subject my taste buds to that!"

Lena's momentarily glad she can't see Kara's face; she can feel the force of the pout on her back. 

She's about to protest again when Kara leans forward, lips nearly brushing her ear.

"Make the bacon Lenaaa, your tongue will thank youu", Kara whispers in a Casper-esque voice.

Lena swallows through her suddenly dry throat. Not a single argument comes to mind.

"...fine."

Kara whoops quietly, setting them gently back on the ground and settling back into her place as a super-powered backpack, watching carefully as Lena bypasses the tofu to grab the bacon.

Kara wiggles in delight, and Lena very nearly drops said bacon.

She almost prefers when they hated each other. _No you don't._

\----------

After the whole _exciting_ ordeal, Lena is relieved to have two meals, a plate of spaghetti and a slice of garlic bread for her, and a plate of spaghetti plus a pan of garlic bread of Kara.

Then comes the issue of seating. Lena places the food opposite the TV at Kara's request, then pauses. 

"How are we going to eat and maintain contact at the same time?"

Kara ponders the same question, brow furrowed.

"If we sit on the couch, you could sit in my- uh, on me? And maybe you could lean forward or something, would that work?"

"Only one way to find out", she replies with an awkward laugh. Lena feels herself being pulled backwards onto the couch, crossing her legs over Kara's thighs once she's settled. She then leans forward until her exposed back starts to tingle uncomfortably, then pulls back a little.

"I'm good here", she says, twisting to face Kara, who has turned an explicable shade of red. It's then she feels the cold air against a sliver of her lower back, where her shirt had ridden up to reveal a long hidden secret.

"You- you have a tattoo?", Kara asks in a strangled sort of tone that Lena assumes is shock. She reaches backwards to tug her shirt down, accidentally- and Lena really wishes the ground would open and swallow her whole at this point- essentially fist-bumping Kara in the crotch. Kara lets out a noise that's a mixture between a whimper and groan, that Lena's frazzled mind mistakes for pain. 

"Shit! Sorry, my fault, I'm so sorry."

"No! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"What are _you_ sorry for?"

"Uh...looking?"

"I don't mind-", And Lena's brain finally catches up with her mouth, and she slaps a hand over her face so hard it stings. The silence is deafening as the pair stare at each other with equally flustered expressions, and Kara is opening her mouth to speak when her ringtone blasts between them. She can't pick up her phone fast enough.

"Hello? Oh good, what did he...by morning? Okay...no, everything's fine...thanks, Alex. Love you too." She hangs up and turns back to Lena, avoiding eye contact.

"The scientist came to and Alex questioned him. You should be good by morning, and LIllian is tight-lipped as ever, so they're just keeping her in custody."

"Okay, thank you. And...sorry again."

"Me too."

Finally, Lena clears her throat and hands Kara her plate, resisting the urge to fan at her own still-flushing face.

"I'll watch Ratatouille if we never mention this again."

"Deal."

\----------

Despite all the mishaps and Kara's unfairly distracting moans in appreciation of the food, Lena somehow makes it to bedtime without making a complete fool of herself. The stupid rat movie had been just idiotic enough for Lena's snide comments to bring back a sense of normalcy, and now here she was, awkwardly changing her shirt with Kara leaning against her legs. It makes her feel light-headed and nauseous, but there was no way she would be sleeping in the stiff white button-up she'd been wearing since the abduction.

They'd taken to moving around the apartment by way of piggyback ride, as Lena didn't feel like being flown just to reach her couch. She's pretty sure her hand is bruised from bopping Kara in the forehead every time offered an unhelpful piggy-backseat driver comment.

("U-turn, u-turn! You left the chips in the kitchen!") 

As the night winds down, Lena finds herself hugging Kara from behind as the blonde brushes her teeth with a spare toothbrush. She can't help but close her eyes and sigh contentedly when the blonde hums a little tune and sways back and forth. As a result, she doesn't quite notice that Kara's done until the Supergirl crest brushes her cheek. 

Instead of hopping onto Lena's back, Kara keeps swaying, her hums becoming a melodic song in a foreign tongue. It's slow, wistful, and beautiful. When she's done, Lena nearly can't bring herself to open her eyes. It feels as if time itself has stopped.

"That was beautiful. Where is it from?"

Kara looks at her with glittering eyes. "A Kryptonian lullaby. My mother used to sing it to me when I had nightmares."

The mention of Krypton reminds Lena of how exactly they'd gotten into this situation, but for once, with absolutely none of the hurt. Despite the fact that Kara was still wearing the supersuit and had been using her powers all night, Lena had only been thinking of Kara in terms of her best friend. Kara's jokes, Kara's antics, Kara's favourite foods. Now, she looks past the blonde into the mirror, and watches the gentle slopes of Kara Danvers harden into the powerful stance of Supergirl. _I was wrong_ , she wants to say. _I understand,_ she wants to say. _I'm sorry,_ she wants to say. And there's something else, too, something she won't admit even to herself.

"Forget it", Kara says thickly, already turning away. She's stopped by Lena's hand, brushing away a tear she didn't realize had fallen.

"I won't", Lena replies softly. "Not for anything in the world. Will you sing it again for me sometime?"

Kara's responding smile almost makes this whole situation worth it.

"Yeah."

"Promise me?"

"I promise", Kara says, barely above a whisper. It's almost an out-of-body experience, the way she watches Kara lean in, feels her own lips part. Lena's eyes flutter shut. But between one heartbeat and the next, those vulnerable blue eyes slip away behind her eyelids, replaced by ones filled with anguish as a toxic green laces up her veins. _You did this. You hurt her._

 _Kara doesn't know what she wants_ , Lena convinces herself. _She's just relieved to be friends again. She doesn't know what she's feeling._ Kara deserved so much more than anything born from a tentative truce with a woman she was physically stuck to, much less morally obligated to help. So in a sharp exhale, Lena draws back, biting back a gasp at the electric current that runs through her when Kara's lips ghost past her temple.

_There's no way Kara really wants this._

_Do I?_

_Yes._

Longing hits her like a punch to the stomach. By _God_ , does it hurt how much she wants this.

She avoids Kara's gaze by pulling her into a hug under the guise of pain. She's as close as she could be, so why does it still hurt this much? Lena barely manages to blink back tears as Kara's arms automatically rise to hug her back, and takes a deep breath. _Nothing has changed. Nothing needs to change._

"Do you need pajamas?"

"I...no, I can retract the suit", Kara's confused voice catches on the words.

"Oh, so tonight's outfit was a _choice"_ , she says lightly, trying to diffuse the tension. It works, because Kara lets out an hesitant laugh and shakes her head.

"No, it's just that I'm uh...already in my pajamas. Underneath, I mean. I'd just woken up when we got the news of- about you."

A venomous sort of remorse twists in Lena's chest at the earnest words. Knowing that Kara hadn't even debated for a split second before rushing off for her brings upon her a fresh wave of guilt. The next words come easily now, now that she's got something so much bigger, feelings so much stronger, to tamp down.

"I was wrong. I'm sorry", she blurts out before the spiteful part of her can protest.

She can tell from Kara's face that the blonde understands immediately what she's talking about. And it's those words, spoken in direct reference to everything they'd been dancing around all night, that absolutely decimates the walls Lena had put up over the last few months. To her absolute horror, her eyes well up and unbidden tears roll down her cheeks. Tears she hadn't allowed herself to shed for her former friend. Tears she convinced herself she was too strong to let fall.

"I'm sorry", she says again, because now that she's said it once, what's another? Though the words can't take back her actions, she can damn well try. "I'm so sorry", she chokes out through a sob.

In a strange turn of events, it's Kara's turn to brush away Lena's tears, lifting her head so that they lock eyes. Even through her tears, Lena can spot a telltale glint of determination.

"Hey, no. We both did things we regret. Things we felt were right at the time. I didn't, and will never hold your actions against you. I understand why you did them, but I can't help but hope your feelings have changed since then. What I want, above all, is to mend our relationship, and I think there needs to be some sort of forgiveness in order to move forward. I know it's a lot to ask for you to forgive me, but I need you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you. And I miss my best friend."

Lena's in such a shocked stupor that her tear ducts forget to function. "Did...did you practice that?"

The determination bleeds out as fast as it had come, Kara ducking her head in embarrassment. "I may have run through it a few times. I've been wanting to say that for a while." 

_Oh my God. Kara had a forgiveness speech prepared for me? I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her._

She's momentarily distracted from her internal spiral by the sheer ridiculousness that is Kara bopping her on the nose.

"Hey, you with me? I forgive you and I still really like being around you, you chronic overthinker. If you don't believe me, I will keep saying it until you do."

Finally, some of Kara's speech begins to compute.

"I-Of _course_ I forgive you, Kara. There's really nothing _to_ forgive, anyways. I was so unfairly angry, while you were just acting in self-preservation, trying to keep Kryptonite-"

A sudden thought strikes her like lightning. Faster than Kara can comprehend what she's doing, she pushes away almost violently, holding up a hand as if to ward Kara off. Confused, Kara sways on her feet, unsure if she should be pulling Lena back in.

Despite being hours since the last dose, Lena can only remain upright for a few moments before the familiar agony remembers itself, coursing through her veins with a vengeance. She falls forward with a pained cry, but solid hands catch her before she can hit the ground. Kara's lowers them both gently, but her eyes are wide and panicked.

"What the hell, Lena? Why would you do that?"

She's struggling for breath, and her hands are spasming around Kara's arms, but somehow the guilt is what hurts the most. "That's what it felt like for you...I did that to you in the Fortress. Kara, I'm so sorry." 

"That's nowhere near the same! I-I barely felt it back in the Fortress." Lena doesn't believe her, and that makes it so much worse. "Just-don't you dare do that again."

"I did horrible things, Kara, I nearly shot you out of the sky! How could you forgive me for that?"

"Because you are good, Lena, no matter what you've been told. But you're also a product of your environment. I get that my betrayal hurt so much more because of what happened with Eve, and I understand the price of secrets in your past. The punishment fits the crime, is all I'm saying."

Lena slumps an exhausted head to Kara's collarbone with a sigh, reaching out to idly weave their fingers together in an effort to avoid those determined, honest, sincere, eyes.

"You never once stopped believing in me, despite everything, and I can never repay you for that. But I do know that nothing you did was ever a crime, and I'm sorry for punishing you for it."

"Well, I'm technically two people, so I've definitely been skimping out on some taxes for the last few years."

"I'm a billionaire, I don't even know if I pay them anymore."

"Look at us, a pair of hooligans."

Lena lets out the most genuine laugh of the night, pressing herself further into Kara's warm embrace.

"When did you get so smart?"

"Well, I lost my favourite game night partner, so now I just sit at home and ponder life. And I've been spending a lot of time with Kelly."

Something that feels an awful lot like absolution settles between them, a weight she hadn't known was there lifting from her chest. She feels lighter, freer, happier than she can ever recall being.

"Hey, Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"I really missed you too."

She feels the corner of Kara's mouth lift from where it's pressed against her forehead. "Wanna see something cool?"

Lena pulls back, nodding, and watches Kara fiddle with her suit. The suit retracts, folding over into itself in a no less breath-taking manner than the first time she'd seen it. Brainy's nanotech was truly a feat of brilliance. She's about to voice these thoughts when she notices that Kara is still watching her expectantly, holding back a barely contained grin. It's then she notices what's _underneath_ the suit: a gag gift she'd gotten Kara for one of their sleepovers. A pair of cartoon avocados smile back at her, the words "let's avo-cuddle" in comically large font across the top.

Borderline hysterical laughter bubbles out of her, and she dissolves into breathless guffaws that Kara eventually joins in on. And so there they are, a Super and a Luthor, in near hysterics on Lena's bedroom floor. This _definitely_ feels like absolution.

"It's my favourite shirt", Kara says eventually. "Who doesn't love a good pun?"

Lena's still laughing so hard she's sure her face is beet-red, suddenly reaching out to place a hand on Kara's abdomen. The blonde freezes in response, breath hitching. By way of explanation, she slips a fingernail under the print of an avocado seed, flipping it open. As expected, a picture of Kara's grinning face stares back at her.

Kara gasps in shock, hastily flipping open the other seed to see a picture of Lena's equally exuberant grin.

"Lena Luthor! Why didn't you _tell me?_ "

"I forgot to mention", says Lena, feigning innocence. "It's custom made." She deigns not to mention that Kara had successfully short-circuited Lena's brain by essentially stripping on the spot to change into the shirt when she'd first received it.

"I am never taking this off", Kara decides resolutely.

Lena shrugs, "I'm not complaining, at least not for the first couple days."

Kara floats a couple inches off the ground, and Lena isn't sure it's voluntary. "So we're back on for weekly sleepovers?"

"Only if it starts today. Float me to bed, Supergirl."

And Kara does just that, gently tucking them both in and burying her head in the veritable mountain of pillows that is Lena's bed.

"Rao, I forgot how comfy your bed is", Kara says as she stretches languidly in place. She's folded around Lena, the line of her body pressed along Lena's left arm.

The businesswoman takes this opportunity to shift to her side, sliding her own arm around Kara's waist and pressing her head into Kara's collarbone. The blonde lowers her own arm to lay behind Lena's back with a tender reverence.

"Kara?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you tell me? About you? About Krypton? You don't have to, but I just-"

Kara practically warms at the thought. "Lena, I would love to."

"My name, my real name, is Kara Zor-El. Krypton was beautiful. The red sun bathed everything in a warm glow, reflecting off spires taller than I could see, constant and lasting and true. It's the basis of my religion, because Rao was everything we wanted to see in ourselves. Even now, the closest I can get on Earth is sunrise. I make a point of dragging Alex out of bed at the crack of dawn once in a while, just to see the sunrise and _remember._ I don't think I could forgive myself if I forgot."

Lena listens with a rapt attention, any dredges of fatigue long gone. Kara spoke of a world she would never know with such familiarity, fondness and mourning mingling in her tone.

"My mother, for all her faults, loved me with everything she had. Sometimes-sometimes I wonder if I could have convinced her to listen if I'd just tried harder, been better-"

"You lost everyone you knew, came here, and gave us _everything_ ", Lena interrupts gently. "You are, without a doubt, the best person I know. Forgive me, but I think your mother would be proud."

"It wasn't always like that", Kara says, suddenly somber. "When I first arrived on Earth, I was rash and reckless and stupidly used my powers without a second thought. My identity could have- probably was- blown so many times-", she pauses as a memory strikes her, and is silent for so long that Lena thinks she might have fallen asleep.

"Alex almost died a few years ago." 

Kara's voice is awash with guilt, and Lena can't help but feel such raw anguish wasn't meant for her to witness. She remains silent, letting Kara collect herself.

"Someone from my childhood knew who I was, and kidnapped Alex so that Supergirl would release his father from prison. I thought I was invincible, thought that Supergirl could do no wrong. I rushed in without thinking, and Alex nearly drowned, alone, in a little box. Because she knew who I really was."

The pieces seem to slot into place, then. Why Kara had been adamant in her flimsy little excuses, how she always seemed to appear whenever Lena needed her. Kara hadn't been worried about her last name, she'd only been worried about Lena.

In a broken whisper, Kara continues. "Supergirl almost wasn't enough. If Kara wasn't important, and Supergirl wasn't enough, where did that leave me?"

Lena rolls onto her stomach, reaching out to wipe away Kara's silent tears. _Who the hell had convinced Kara that she wasn't important?_

"A trustworthy, honourable, intelligent woman in her own right", Lena says without hesitation. "A loving sister. A thoughtful daughter. The most loyal customer to half of National City's restaurants. My best friend."

"Yeah, I got that. You want to know how?" Kara offers her a rueful smile. "Because you called Kara Danvers that night, worried because I'd sounded a little off, and asked to go to brunch. You only saw Kara, and you didn't like her because she could lift a bus or break the sound barrier. You liked Kara for her stupid puns, benign interests, and amazing taste in food. I think you even liked that she threw away your kale recipes once in a while."

"I knew that was you!"

Kara chuckles half-heartedly, but her eyes are fighting to stay open, fingers loosening on the covers.

"For so long, I thought Supergirl was valuable and Kara was expendable. You made me realize how much I needed both. I never thought I'd be able to thank you for that." With her final piece said, Kara's grip fully loosens, face slacking and breath steadying.

"Well you have me now, darling. Always and forever." She takes a moment to watch the gentle rise and fall of her hero's chest. "And I think I love you, Kara Zor-El", she whispers into the still, empty air. She knows Kara hasn't heard, but prefers it that way. 

Some truths are safest buried. Some castles best kept to the sky. There's promise in tales that are yet to be spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah i think this was the longest chapter i've ever written. props to myself and apologies to my professors.  
> yes im a whore for late night soul-bearing talks what of it
> 
> sneak peek of the next chapter: "F*ck the castles"
> 
> Side note: props to whoever recognizes the priory quote!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo I'm not a liar!
> 
> okay so it's not my best, and there's some things I might change around later cause it's very dialogue heavy, but i really wanted to get it out there first cause i pinky promised (and i got hella things due and this was gonna get pushed back)

Lena's body clearly doesn't get the memo that it's been through trauma, because just before the first rays of sunlight peek through the curtains, Lena jerks awake from her thrilling dream of Supergirl pelting her board members with clipboards and pens. When the warmth below her shifts, she takes stock of her position with growing embarrassment. She's still laying on her stomach, tucked against Kara's side, but at some point in the night she's wedged a leg between Kara's, the blonde's hipbone pressing just under her belly. 

Carefully extricating herself, she tentatively lifts an arm, smiling in relief when she feels nothing. She rolls so that only their arms are touching. Still nothing. Finally, she sits up fully, swinging her legs over the edge and standing. Freedom. 

It's not as satisfying as she thought it would be. Hm. She's actually kind of cold. Lena looks around, pondering the gentle lightening of the room for only a moment before tucking herself back into the warmth of the blankets, sitting cross-legged at Kara's side. 

Slowly, she nudges at the blonde, who wakes gradually and calmly. "Morning", she murmurs, casting a curious glance around the room before shutting her eyes again. "Rao, what time is it?"

"Good morning, Kara Zor-El. Care to watch the sunrise with me?" 

Kara opens her eyes again, and grins.

\----------

Lena makes tea while Kara patters around the kitchen, occasionally flipping open the little seed graphic on her pajama shirt and smiling goofily at Lena. They take turns in the washroom, blessedly alone this time, and step out onto Lena's balcony together without so much as a word.

Kara, with an arm hooked around Lena's elbow, steers them towards the lawn chair on the left.

"You don't have to stick to me anymore, Kara. I'd be perfectly fine sitting on the other side of the table.

Kara pouts. "So you don't want to sit with me?"

And how can she say no?

They squeeze together on one lawn chair, tea precariously balanced on a tiny side table. When Lena shivers, Kara superspeeds back into the apartment to grab a blanket, tucking it carefully around the two of them. The pair watches sunlight glint off high-rises, washing the city in a tranquil orange. _Peace_ , Lena thinks. _This is peace._

And so, against Kara's steady heat and among the muted sounds of a waking city, Lena drifts back into unconsciousness.

\----------

The waking is not so elegant.

Lena makes the mistake of shifting backwards, intent on rolling over, but reaches the edge of the lawn chair much sooner than expected. Her yelp is what awakens Kara, who blindly reaches out to grasp at her with the sun in her eyes. She succeeds only in catching the edge of Lena's shirt, and follows the momentum off the chair. Lena finds her minor descent slowed by Kara's hand splayed across her back, and settles against the ground before looking up at Kara, hovering just over her body. 

She bites back a gasp. The sunlight backs Kara's silhouette in a dazzling halo, the blonde's face sleep-soft and bare. The glasses are off, and Lena can see every fleck of those familiar sea-blue eyes. But the smile, the smile is what has her undone. Genuine and content and fond, Kara looks _ethereal._

Kara grins at her as they sit up, the blonde's legs folding in on either side of Lena so she's balanced atop Lena's thighs. "Good morning again."

"Good morning."

"Thank you for the sunrise."

"I don't think you can thank me for the sun."

"But I can thank you for everything else", Kara says with so much adoration that Lena's heart rate quickens. The way the blonde's eyes narrow indicates that it is in no way subtle. 

The intensity of Kara's gaze causes Lena to duck her head to the side, cheeks flushing. She feels Kara reach out to tuck loose hair behind her ear, hand lingering on Lena's cheek.

"Lena..."

Weight shifts as Kara leans forward ever so slightly, carefully tilting Lena's head back to face her. _Maybe she does want this,_ Lena allows herself to hope. So she doesn't move a muscle, eyes dipping to Kara's lips, now a hair's breadth away. The hand on her cheek curls around the nape of her neck ever so gently.

 _Are you going to try to kill me? ,_ the hollow words echo in Lena's mind, trapped and cold and vulnerable.

Lena jerks backwards suddenly, feeling as if her very breath is leaving her as the distance between them increases. She slides out from under Kara, who backs up just as quickly, looking embarrassed, confused, but most of all, apologetic. 

"I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable, or-or pressured or anything. I just thought- I heard- you don't feel the same?" 

"It doesn't matter what I feel", she makes the mistake of saying. Kara's eyes widen.

"So you do! And I- you know- what's wrong?"

"You don't know what you're feeling. You- you're confused, and it doesn't matter what I-", she stops herself suddenly, conflicted. _Say you don't want her. Say you don't want this. Just say it, and she'll move on._

"It's not you, it's me." _Seriously? That's the best you could do? "_ I- I don't-"

"You're lying", Kara says, eyes narrowed. Then she softens. "Is it me? Because I have no more secrets, Lena. I promise you. Or if you need time to figure things out, I get it. I just want you to know-" 

"It's not that simple, Kara, it's not about-"

"Lena Luthor. Do you want to kiss me, yes or no?"

"I don't deserve you!", she finally blurts. "I betrayed you! The Fortress, the Kryptonite-"

"Lena, I would willingly eat Kryptonite if you would just admit you want to kiss me, because-"

_Buried truths. Castles in the sky. Promise._

"I know exactly what I'm feeling. I know what I want."

_Castles in the sky, Lena._

"Do you?"

_Fuck the castles._

Later, she'll blame passion for forgetting, again, that her Kara is a superhero, because her mind blanks out when she makes her decision. Lena strides forward, emboldened and free, intent on pushing Kara against the wall. Of course, it doesn't happen like that. She's stopped short by the monolith of Kara's body, and raises fondly exasperated eyes to the blonde's smirking face. 

"That was cute." 

Without warning, a hand slips around her waist, lifting her smoothly into the air. Her legs instinctively come to wrap around Kara's waist when she feels the wall press into her back. Their mouths slot together as if it was meant to be, heated and urgent and everything she'd ever dreamed.

(She's not afraid to admit that now, not with Kara's lips tucked behind her ear and hand pulling at the hem of her shirt, every touch new and thrilling and electric.)

"Wait!", Lena pants, smirking at Kara's poorly suppressed whine. "We are _not_ getting nasty on my balcony", she says sternly. "Float me to bed, Kara."

She's just as quick to comply as she was the night before.

\----------

"Time's well past, guys, what are you still doing- KARA DANVERS, you had _one_ job! Hug her, not defile her!"

"Oh, hey Alex. In my defense, she was willingly defiled."

("Kara's right.")

"I'm gonna go bleach my eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my longest fic now, and while it's still pretty short in a03-land, I'm really proud of how it turned out! thanks to everyone for reading!
> 
> P.S. don't ask me how alex got into the apartment, she's a superspy. (and maybe lena gave her a key she forgot to ask for back?)
> 
> P.P.S IM SORRY I CANT WRITE SMUT yall are gonna have to settle for banter and subtext

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to my beta reader V, this is the weirdest thing we've ever done


End file.
